Not that anyone cares about my inhibitions anymore.
I'm losing connection with my friends. At least, I think they're my friends. Mostly I think they just put up with me because they liked me at first and now that they've realized I'm not as perky/ADD/happy as them and their adoring boyfriends, so they're just kind of stuck. Truth is, I'm kind of stuck. I guess its because I'm not the same person I was when I met and made friends with them. Why?
Guy. Whatelse, right?
Story in a nutshell: Guy took my heart, guy stomped all over heart, guy spat on said heart, and walked away.
and I'm still holding on to the idiot. No, I'm not stalking him or anything. We're in the same school and its hard not to miss him. But he changed me. Whether for good or bad, I don't really know, and right now I couldn't care less. And I don't think my friends like the new me. They're pretty averse to drama. Which, I suppose, is totally understandable. Drama is a fucking bitch.
They always want to be these perky, lets-have-fun-all-the-time, who-cares-about-your-problems kind of people. Sometimes I just want to shake one of them...wake them up, cos it's not going to stay like this. Already, you can see us breaking apart. There are about...9 of us, I do believe. And they've just sort of, grouped up and left me out.
Too much of a cynical, moody bitch, I guess.
Sometimes I dream about just walking away from it. They don't want me there, I don't want to be there...so what's stopping me, right? The sad fact of the matter is, I've got nowhere else to go.
Okay, lets get this straight out, shall we? I'm in high school. I know some of you aren't, and I appreciate you if you read this (and if you're thinking, oh god, high school drama...who gives a shit? Well...think again. Cos you probably gave a shit when you were in my place). And contrary to popular belief, my high school is not a drug-filled, sex-crazed, drama central. But it is extremely cliquey. So, once you pick your group, that's it. There's no going back, there's no switching friends, there's no trying to make new ones. I mean, if you tried, people would give you that fake, polite smile and then ignore you.
Oh, wait...my friends are doing that anyway.
So...I'm basically left with these people for the next...oh, say...2 and some years of my life.
What joy. Whatever...I think I'm just going to duck my head, read my books, and get through it. 2 and some years...hopefully I can handle it.
See you next time, maybe?
And thanks for being patient enough to read this drabble, if you did.