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.bit.ter .c.ynical and .h.eart-broken

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[26 Jan 2012|01:24pm]



Available in my shop at Etsy.com ♥
failing to describe a feeling

[06 Apr 2006|12:44am]


dyke_riot... come get some.
breathe in 2 years of failing to describe a feeling

ugh. just ugh...with a side of ugh [12 Oct 2005|05:11pm]

anyway, here's the story and I really need to get this off of my chest: a friend of my bf and I have had a feud going on for sometime now. 5 months ago, she slandered me for no reason to my bf. She and I have never met, nor have we spoken to each other. my bf got mad, he did not talk to her for a month. She apologized, but didn't apologize or even offer anything to me. Ever since then, I've had huge problems with her.

Then, a few weeks before sept. ended, she made this semi-racist comment about Arab muslim women saying that they're hairy and smelly and said something along the lines that there are enough white, good looking women in this country that men should consider dating, and I replied with her quote, because I was furious about that statement and said to her "yeah, too bad you're not one of them". That's what started my first fight with her stupid, punk ass. I was like "you say mean shit about other people, now expect people to say mean shit about you" and of course, she got her panties in a twist and flames shot out of her mouth.

And this is where it gets good...saturday comes along and Craig tells me that Lili made a horrible comment on his blog entry about some religious debate he had with her. Craig did not even make an anti-muslim statement or whatever, he just said that muhammed prosecuted jews and what not and this is what she said: "looking at what your own people did to their own Messiah (Jesus) they probably deserved it." And that's where I came in. I came to the point where enough is enough with her ass, so I sent her an angry venting letter I wrote and sent to her. More details are in my letter to her...(It makes me mad that people are assholes to their own friends...) I wrote and posted/vented several versions of the letter, but the one I sent to her was a bit more tame.

He then gave me his word that she would be out of both of our lives, but backed out of it. He said to me that she will be out of my life and the life my bf and I have together. Of course, I got upset, I got irrational and I felt hurt that he didn't really choose a side. I wrote one more venting letter, just to get off my chest and here's her reply.

I copied and pasted the letter, and e-mailed it to Craig. I just feel so confused, angry, enraged and a bit scared.

Support would be appreciated. Sorry if this post is long. If I need to do an lj cut, I'll do it.
breathe in 2 years of failing to describe a feeling

[19 Sep 2005|06:41pm]


Some girls just can't be bitches outright. [13 Apr 2005|10:29pm]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Okay um...this is kind of wierd. I did this totally on a whim, because I really can't talk to anyone else about it.

Not that anyone cares about my inhibitions anymore.

I'm losing connection with my friends. At least, I think they're my friends. Mostly I think they just put up with me because they liked me at first and now that they've realized I'm not as perky/ADD/happy as them and their adoring boyfriends, so they're just kind of stuck. Truth is, I'm kind of stuck. I guess its because I'm not the same person I was when I met and made friends with them. Why?

Guy. Whatelse, right?

Story in a nutshell: Guy took my heart, guy stomped all over heart, guy spat on said heart, and walked away.

and I'm still holding on to the idiot. No, I'm not stalking him or anything. We're in the same school and its hard not to miss him. But he changed me. Whether for good or bad, I don't really know, and right now I couldn't care less. And I don't think my friends like the new me. They're pretty averse to drama. Which, I suppose, is totally understandable. Drama is a fucking bitch.

They always want to be these perky, lets-have-fun-all-the-time, who-cares-about-your-problems kind of people. Sometimes I just want to shake one of them...wake them up, cos it's not going to stay like this. Already, you can see us breaking apart. There are about...9 of us, I do believe. And they've just sort of, grouped up and left me out.

Too much of a cynical, moody bitch, I guess.

Sometimes I dream about just walking away from it. They don't want me there, I don't want to be there...so what's stopping me, right? The sad fact of the matter is, I've got nowhere else to go.

Okay, lets get this straight out, shall we? I'm in high school. I know some of you aren't, and I appreciate you if you read this (and if you're thinking, oh god, high school drama...who gives a shit? Well...think again. Cos you probably gave a shit when you were in my place). And contrary to popular belief, my high school is not a drug-filled, sex-crazed, drama central. But it is extremely cliquey. So, once you pick your group, that's it. There's no going back, there's no switching friends, there's no trying to make new ones. I mean, if you tried, people would give you that fake, polite smile and then ignore you.

Oh, wait...my friends are doing that anyway.

So...I'm basically left with these people for the next...oh, say...2 and some years of my life.

What joy. Whatever...I think I'm just going to duck my head, read my books, and get through it. 2 and some years...hopefully I can handle it.

See you next time, maybe?

And thanks for being patient enough to read this drabble, if you did.


breathe in 11 years of failing to describe a feeling

[01 Apr 2005|10:02am]

bitches! help me out!
breathe in 2 years of failing to describe a feeling

[08 Mar 2005|06:46pm]


don't let those stupid men and our society get you down.
failing to describe a feeling

[05 Mar 2005|01:03am]

It's literally never been the same since you came crashing through my life.

I should have never opened my mouth that first time you came back to my place, I should have kept my big fucking mouth shut and let you disappear. That way I would have never known what I was missing. Now I do know and there isn't a single God damned fucking thing I can ever do for the rest of my life to get it back or make it the way it was.

Well, feel proud. If nothing else you taught me how to love and then re-taught me how to hate. Quite the accomplishment.
failing to describe a feeling

Breakups are a bitch. [11 Feb 2005|11:36pm]


Join now.</b>
failing to describe a feeling

[05 Jan 2005|10:15pm]

hey id just liek to thank all you bitchez wh0 helpeD me out when I had that gro1n pr0blem a while ag0- its almost gone but n0t completely. i'm starting to thinK the diaPer rash creAm is n0t a reali good idea. Ne other suggesti0nz?

<3<3 keep on biTchin'
failing to describe a feeling

[26 Dec 2004|10:35pm]

UGH! I thInk mY latEst "rubdown" seSsi-n with mai BF iS takiNh itz t0ll. I thinK im g0nna l@y off the th0ngz for a While ;0

how was all mai Bitchez ChristMas?
breathe in 5 years of failing to describe a feeling

[23 Dec 2004|10:41pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

ugh so lyke today at school everybody was in the xmas spirit nd i didnt want to be all lyke "jingle all the way" if u kno wut i mean so i told my friend beth to shut the hell up nd she lyke SPAZZED on me. god. people just dont understand how we bitches do.

breathe in 8 years of failing to describe a feeling

[13 Dec 2004|01:34pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

I hate school. If I ever have to go again, I will kill someone...

breathe in 1 year of failing to describe a feeling

[06 Dec 2004|11:24pm]


I. Fucking. Hate. Copycats.

breathe in 4 years of failing to describe a feeling

Stop it you f*ckers. [19 Nov 2004|06:10pm]

[ mood | enraged ]

Ok, firstly, I'm a controlling person and there are two people I need to control who... well, won't let me. But I need to. I't vital that I do. Secondly, there should be a law against angry admirers, as they make others (me in specific) feel bad. I just want to say "You're cute and I like you now grow the fuck up!!

failing to describe a feeling

[31 Oct 2004|06:51pm]

[ mood | drained ]

^ ashley ^

uh.. hi.. i don't really think i'm a bitch, but i'm pretty fucking negative.. is that the same? ah well.. sooo i'm just gonna bitch?
life has been pretty boring, lately, just got out of a 2-year [sucky, waste of life] relationship in february.. i dealt with that pretty okay, considering the fact he was a prick. i got into another relationship with my friend, barely. sort of. okay, so it was like, a crush, he said he couldn't go out with me because 20 minutes was just TOO far away. 5 months later he comes back around, my life is perfect for like 3 weeks and then he said that 10 minutes (i moved closer) was too far away, tells me i'm perfect... "you're the only one".. then leaves. okay, so wtf. i was depressed/extremely pissed off for like 2 months, but hey. i have aaron, still, apparently. coolest person ever. i found out that chris migrates with girlfriends, so it's like 3 weeks for anyone. the only reason why i'm still upset is because we're not friends anymore. how stupid can someone get? dating your friend. what a huge mistake.
anyway, a couple of weeks ago i found out that my best friend i'd ever had, naomi, hung herself. isn't that fucking spectacular? so i'm dealing with that, and then another friend is bitching at me because "i'm not a good friend to her" but hey, that's been happening even since before we met.

so basically, my life = teenagedramabullshit.

will this ever end?

breathe in 1 year of failing to describe a feeling

[25 Oct 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I fucking hate it when people make out right in front of you. It's like, "Hey! Buddy! GET A ROOM!!" As if I don't feel bad enough being single for the past two years, now I gotta watch you horse asses swap spit! Jeezus! You're not in love after dating for a month, it's called, "I'm horny, fuck me!" not "love!"

Good day.

breathe in 1 year of failing to describe a feeling

[13 Oct 2004|10:00am]
I can't bitch about relationships because I finally am in one in which I'm more than content. but I can bitch about the fact that it's ridiculous that in order to attain and hold a job in the fashion industry that consists of more than ringing up sales for a tad over minimum wage, one needs to possess a bachelor's. so what do I do in the meantime? be a fucking temp with no benefits, no vacation, no holiday pay, not even a regular ID card.

failing to describe a feeling

Oh here we go. [11 Oct 2004|03:05pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

I am bitter because I can't make my relationships work. Ever.
I'm bitter because I heve few friends and everyone thinks I'm a freak.
I'm bitter because I can't help my friends.
I'm bitter because when I try it gets thrown back in my face like hot water.
I'm bitter because I'm tired of all the crappy people in this world.
I'm bitter because despite it, I still try to help them.
I'm bitter because all the bad stuffs happening again... I try to help a guy and he ex-communicates me,
And now I'm being held away by another guy and I hate hate hate it because I want to help. Because I want to help this guy, and he disregards me like I'm nothing.
I'm bitter because I know I'm going to be heartbroken again.

failing to describe a feeling

[03 Oct 2004|09:50am]

[ mood | disappointed ]

So I've been sitting back in the community and thinking of things to bitch about. It's now reached a point where I need to bitch, and I don't want to.

I met this guy about a month ago, and we clicked. We started dating eachother, then he slamed on the breaks and said because of the distance, we should only "see" eachother. In the begining I could understand, we live about an hour away from eachother and it is difficult to have a good relationship when it's comutting. But then one of my friends told me she kept getting this sketchy feeling from him. I didn't really think too much about it and continued on my way. About a week ago, I went to see him, and we took the relationship father than I wanted to go, we had sex. Afterwards he said I was "worthy" of him. WTF buddy, how about you tryin to impress me? I blew that off because I wasnt in the mood to start a fight. Then he started getting all shifty with me, not calling me, not talking to me online, etc. Figured I'd back off for a lil while. We finially talked earlier last week, he said he missed me and he wanted to chill. So we set up a time and I got all excited. That time came and he blew me off. Said that he had some things to do and he'd call me later. Well he didnt. When I called him, he ignored his phone. Ok, so I stopped calling. We talked online later that week and he asked me if I wanted to chill on thursday, I said sure, what time. He told me he'd call me cause he had some things to do. I called him around 3 and he told me to come up. So I make me way up to his house and end up meeting his best friend and his brother. I'm thinking "Cool, I'm being introduced to his friends and family." So we're chillin in his driveway and his best friend said "Oh and his girlfriend, my sister-in law..." My jaw dropped; he told me he was single. I give him a look, and he gives me a "yeah we'll talk about this" kinda look. So we take off to the bank because he wanted to explain. He's been "seeing" both me and this other chick at the same time. He then says that he wants to see who he falls for first, but he doesnt want to fall for his buddy's sister-in law because then his buddy is going to know everything that happens with him and her. Ok, so how do I react to that? I asked him if they were having sex and he said no. So we get to the bank and he goes in. I grab my cally and dial my friend; I need to discuss things with SOMEONE other than him, a female! She keeps tellin me how she wouldnt be putting up with this shit and how she cant believe that I am and blah blah blah. He gets back into the car and I hang up. He tells me that I'm not in competition with this other girl and winks at me. Right on. So we get back to his house and we chill with everyone. His father comes home and he doesnt introduce me to his father. So I introduce myself. Later on his mother comes home and again he doesnt intorduce me. We leave and go to the mall so he can get something for work. Get back to his house and we're all hanging out playing cards. Time for me to leave, he walks me outside and says he's going to come see me this week. He gives me a half-assed hug and I get into my car. His buddy comes out and makes me laugh and then goes back into the house. I called him Friday (after I had been drinking the entire night) to see what he's doing for the weekend, he says he's chillin with his buddy all weekend. I asked him the other chicks name, and he tells me it's Kim. k, whatever. He tells me I'm drunk and to call him later. Next morning I call him around 12 to see if he wants to chill, he said yeh, but he's got some errands to run, call him in an hour to an hour and a half. So an hour and a half later I call him, he picks up and says he's still doing the errands, give him another half hour. So I call him an hour later, no pick up. I think I called him three times in 3 hours to see if he wanted to chill. Last time I called I left a message, "I thought we were going to chill, guess not." I've been chasing after him for 2 weeks now and everyone and their mom kepts tellin me to leave him. I've decided that I'm done and he has my number if he wants to chill. I thought I was done with all this dating crap though. He was so sweet and everything that I wanted; and he's gone.

breathe in 1 year of failing to describe a feeling

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